Esprit | Fall 2007

tom—did i leave my social security card at your apt?
I don’t think so, but I’ll look. How can you lose something like that?
dunno
And why did you bring it to New York with you in the first place?
dunno
I really don’t think it’s here.
just look around. coffee table, probably
Fine. If I find it I’ll mail it to you.
thx—how’d youre play go?
Great. Full house both nights.
reviews?
Just one. Overall good, but they didn’t like Caesar’s haircut.
stupid—nothing to do with writing at least
Yeah. I liked the whole hair-and-beard the same length. I think I’ll try it.
don’t
Why not? I think it looked cool on Dave.

you’ll look like an escaped mental patient
What? Why? Fuck you.
you have a lumpy head—it’s disturbing
My head is perfectly spherical
delightfully spherical
Shut up. How’s Angie?
good
Just good? You guys over your thing?
yeah
How did you fix it?
bought her a pumpkin
A pumpkin? Are you retarded? Why would you buy her a pumpkin?
she likes pumpkins
What the hell does that mean?
they’re ‘cute’
A vegetable can’t be cute.
i have told her this
Well. A rutabaga is kind of cute.
only if you put a little hat on it and name it
Wait, is a pumpkin a fruit or a vegetable?
seeds inside
…so?
i don’t know—i’ll ask her

angie says it’s a gourd
So…?
it’s a gourd
OK. Figure out why she was mad at you?
fuck should i know
True, true.
sup with brenda?
Eh. We went to a movie.
movie?
The new Superman.
wtf?
What?
1. superman is not a date movie
Come on.
2. superman is terrible
I didn’t think it was that bad.
no i mean Superman as a concept is terrible
I thought you liked him because he’s the only Jewish superhero.
he’s the only jewish superhero who sucks
He’s the only Jewish superhero.
the thing is jewish—the thing does not suck
The Thing is not Jewish.
ten dollars
What?
ten dollars the thing is jewish
No.
wikipedia says the thing is jewish
Fine. I bow to your superior knowledge of superhero religions.
send $10 with the social security card
Fine.

Hey, I found your card. I mailed it today.
thx. did you see my lighter anywhere?
No. Buy a new lighter.
can’t
They’re like a dollar or something.
my lighter is a 1958 zippo slim
Oh. Sorry. I didn’t see it anywhere.
they dont grow on trees tom
If I find it I’ll send it to you. You’re the one who lost it.
it is not lost—it is unfound
How profound.
confound!
That was terrible. We are no longer friends.
did brenda leave you after superman
No.
she should have
Unlike you, Brenda does not let Superman come between us.
i do it because i care—you should not suffer a lame superhero
The Flash is lame. You like the Flash.
the flash is not lame
The Flash is horrendously lame.
the flash is misunderstood
The Flash’s main villain is a hyper intelligent psychic gorilla from a land of other hyper intelligent psychic gorillas.
that is kind of lame. gorilla grodd is kind of lame
So you admit it?
this is something i admit—but gorilla grodd did have mind control
Yes. The spectacle! Mind control vs. super speed.
the sport of kings!
Oh, Caesar’s Ghost won at the festival.
no shit
Shit.
congrats. wish i could have seen it when i was up
Come up for my next one. It’s about Tartaglia.
the mathametician?
Yeah. And his ultimate betrayal.
it’ll be better than superman
Just take your shit with you when you leave.
=p